Developing friendships should bring joy, right? But for some, it manifests as an immense obstacle, akin to a massive mountain. This fear is rightfully termed social anxiety. If you’ve found yourself thinking, “what is being scared of making friends termed,” understand that you’re not alone.
Many become so overwhelmed by the idea of encountering new people, they opt to completely avoid those moments.
From my time studying at Stanford University School of Medicine to my role as Adjunct Clinical Professor Emeritus, I’ve learned much about this issue. I’ve witnessed how challenging it can be for those suffering from a social anxiety disorder to form new friendships and maintain them — truly enlightening.
Let’s progress together — reaching out for support is absolutely fine!
Understanding Social Anxiety
Social anxiety is when people feel very nervous in social settings. They worry a lot about being judged or embarrassed.
Definition and Overview
Social Anxiety Disorder (SAD) is a prevalent anxiety variant, affecting roughly 5% to 10% of the global populace. Its onset typically features before the age of 20. This apprehension stems from excessive concerns about being critically examined during social interactions, like casual conversations at a gathering or delivering a speech to an audience.
This disorder may cause symptoms like excessive sweating, tremors, or rapid heart rate in social situations.
Reflecting on my past, following my graduation from Amherst College and Stanford University School of Medicine, I recognized the prevalence of these emotions among patients. As I conducted sessions and therapeutic interventions during my residency at the University of Pennsylvania School of Medicine, it became evident that identifying and understanding this apprehension—tracing it back to genetic factors, parenting strategies, and prior negative experiences—was the initial move toward recovery.
Overcoming social anxiety begins with acknowledging your fears, and knowing that you are not isolated in experiencing them.
Common Symptoms and Triggers
Moving from what social anxiety disorder (SAD) is, let’s talk about how it shows up and what usually sets it off. I see people with SAD feeling very nervous in many situations. Here are the symptoms and triggers I’ve noticed:
- Fear of being watched makes you sweat and blush.
- Worrying a lot about meeting new people can make your heart beat fast.
- You might avoid events where you have to talk because you’re afraid of looking silly.
- Eating in front of others feels scary because you think they’ll judge you.
- Making eye contact is hard because it feels like everyone is looking at you.
- Job interviews are tough because you fear saying the wrong thing.
- Speaking in public, even if it’s just in a small group, can make your hands shake.
- The thought of being the center of attention is enough to make you feel sick.
These feelings aren’t just nerves; they’re signs of social anxiety that can stop someone from living their life fully. They come from deep worries about what others might think—not just shyness. For me, understanding these signs was the first step to getting better.
The Fear of Making Friends: Social Anxiety in Focus
The fear of making friends digs deep for those with social anxiety. It’s more than just feeling shy—it feels like being stuck, afraid to step out and connect.
Why Friendships Can Be Challenging
Making friends is hard for people with social anxiety disorder (SAD). They often see their friendships in a bad light. This means they might think their friends don’t like them much or that the quality of their friendship is low.
Younger people or those with newer friendships feel this even more. SAD makes folks act too careful or freeze up around others. They fear being judged.
In my studies, we learned about these fears deeply. People with SAD are seen as less strong and not as well-adjusted by their friends. But if the friendship lasts longer, it gets better.
The tricky part? SAD can make you take everything very slowly, making new connections tough to build and keep strong over time.
Specific Fears Related to Socializing
I understand how tough it can be to face social situations. Social anxiety makes these fears even bigger. Here are some specific fears you might have:
- Fear of being judged: You worry that people will criticize how you act or look.
- Fear of embarrassing yourself: Making a mistake in front of others feels like the worst thing possible.
- Fear that people won’t like you: You think that after meeting you, people will decide they don’t want to be your friend.
- Fear of physical symptoms showing: You’re scared others will notice you sweating, shaking, or turning red.
- Fear of not knowing what to say: Running out of things to talk about makes you want to avoid socializing altogether.
- Fear of being the center of attention: You hate the idea of all eyes on you, even for good reasons.
- Fear of rejection: Saying hello first or asking someone to hang out seems too risky because they might say no.
- Avoidance as a coping strategy: You find ways not to attend events or meet new people because it’s easier than facing your fear.
- Worry over mental blankness: The fear that your mind will go empty during a conversation keeps you silent.
- Concern over eye contact: Looking someone in the eyes feels too intense and personal, so you avoid it.
I use my knowledge and experience to help us understand these fears better and work on them together.
Strategies to Overcome Social Anxiety When Making Friends
Facing social anxiety feels tough, but there are ways to deal with it and even make new buddies. Start by challenging those scary thoughts that hold you back, and then take small steps to get out there—maybe start online or join a club.
Agree to Disagree with Negative Thoughts
I learned to manage my apprehension of social situations by rebutting the messages my mind sends me. Negative thoughts such as “I’m going to embarrass myself” frequently prevented me from becoming acquainted with new individuals.
I came across curiosity training, a technique that allowed me to observe these fears impartially. This process begins by acknowledging these daunting ideas, not berating myself for them, allowing them to naturally fade, and consequently visualizing optimistic outcomes.
“I am more powerful than my fears.”
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) was also significantly influential in this journey. It empowered me to recognize and alter the pessimistic notions I had regarding forming friendships.
Rather than presuming people would criticize me harshly, CBT exercises helped to redirect my attention to more beneficial thought patterns. This technique proved to be a challenge initially but gradually became more instinctive, enhancing my social skills and overall mental health.
Exposure Techniques: Gradual Steps to Socialize
Exposure techniques help people like me who are scared to make friends. They are steps to face fears bit by bit.
- List fears from least to most scary. For me, saying “hi” was less scary than asking someone to hang out.
- Start with the least scary fear. I practiced making eye contact and smiling at people in safe places like coffee shops.
- Move up the list slowly. After I got okay with smiles, I tried saying “hi”.
- Set small goals for each step. My first goal was just to smile at a cashier.
- Practice often. I went to the same shop many times to get used to being around others.
- Think about how it went after each try. If things didn’t go well, I would figure out why and try a different way next time.
- Get help if needed. Sometimes, talking to a therapist helped me understand my fears better.
- Join groups that match my interests. Being with people who liked what I liked made talking easier.
- Use tech as a starting point. Sometimes, I would chat online before meeting someone new in person.
- Don’t rush; take all the time needed for each step.
This way, slowly but surely, I started feeling less scared about making friends.
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) Approaches
CBT helps people with social phobia. It changes how we think and act in scary social situations. This therapy uses cognitive restructuring to fix our negative thoughts. It also involves exposure remedy, where we face our fears little by little.
We learn to manage our emotions, thoughts, and how our body reacts.
This method also includes behavioral experiments. Here, we check if what we fear about being judged by others is true or not. Attention training is another part of CBT. It teaches us to stop watching ourselves too much and start looking at others during chats or meetings.
For those who find it hard to see a therapist in person, there’s Internet-based CBT or iCBT. Studies show that CBT really helps reduce anxiety symptoms from trying to make new friends or talking in groups.
Practical Tips for Making Friends with Social Anxiety
Making friends can seem tough when you’re dealing with social anxiety. But, using the internet to meet new people and joining clubs that match your interests can help.
Leveraging Technology to Connect
Using tech helps me reach out. I tried the Entourage platform. It’s for young people who feel anxious in social settings. This tech showed good results. Symptoms of social anxiety went down a lot, by 0.79 points.
People felt less alone and more connected to others.
Tech makes it easier for me to make friends.
I learned that online chats can’t be my only way to meet people, though. They shouldn’t take the place of real-life talks and hangouts. Still, using apps like Entourage is a smart first step to feeling less scared in social situations—98.6% would suggest it to someone dealing with similar fears.
Joining Interest-Based Groups
Discussing the role of technology in support, the conversation takes a turn towards participating in interest-aligned groups. It’s a brilliant approach to forge friendships if you’re coping with social anxiety. Here are the reasons:
- Familiar faces who share your interests can make conversations flow more naturally.
- Groups or volunteer opportunities provide instant commonality with new connections.
- Enjoying the same activities as a collective fosters a more relaxed atmosphere.
- Maintaining friendships tends to be simpler when mutual activities are involved.
- Gestures as minimal as greeting a fellow enthusiast can potentially initiate a friendship.
Consider loving to read. In such a case, immersing in a book club can form connections with fellow bookworms. Likewise, if running is your hobby, enrolling in a localized group of runners puts you amongst people with a shared affinity. Such mutual interests lay a more organic and less strained groundwork for friendships than creating bonds without shared preferences.
Within these groups, engagement isn’t limited to the hobby, but expands to exchange of insights, shared experiences, and perhaps even similar hurdles. Such dynamics make the ties between group members stronger.
Lastly, keep in mind that the common factor for everyone in these hobby-oriented groups is their willingness to meet new people. It’s probable that they’re receptive and friendly toward incoming members, which lessens the apprehension when interacting with them initially.
Emphasizing Quality Over Quantity in Relationships
I find that making a few good friends matters more than having lots of people around me. This idea helps people who fear making friends because of social anxiety. Setting small goals to meet new people leads to better friendships.
I learned this from teaching and research at Stanford.
Also, practicing how to act friendly, like showing open body language, makes it easier to connect with others. Joining clubs where everyone likes the same thing can help too. You meet people who share your interests, so talking feels less scary.
I always encourage being kind to yourself and knowing your limits in these situations.
Conclusion
Social anxiety can create challenges when trying to make friends. This fear is clinically recognized as Social Anxiety Disorder (SAD). We’ve discussed the nature of SAD, its manifestations, and why making friends can be difficult.
But there is optimism to be found. By gradually confronting fears and adopting fresh perspectives via therapy, individuals can improve their social skills. Starting with modest goals is beneficial, as is maintaining self-care during this process.
While initiating friendships may appear intimidating at present, it grows more manageable with persistence and time. Let’s continue working on this collaboratively.
For more insights into overcoming fears and enhancing your social skills, check out our article on understanding the fear of making mistakes.
FAQs
1. What is the fear of making friends called?
The fear of making friends is often linked to social anxiety disorder, a type of anxiety that makes people feel extremely shy or self-conscious in everyday social situations.
2. What are some signs and symptoms of social anxiety disorder?
Symptoms of social anxiety disorder can include intense fear in specific social situations like talking to people you meet or giving a speech, avoidance of such situations, and physical reactions like tachycardia, perspiration, nausea and insomnia.
3. How does this fear impact one’s ability to make and keep friends?
People with this condition might fear scrutiny from others which may lead them to avoid social situations where they need to interact with others. This can make it difficult for them to make new friends or maintain existing friendships.
4. Are there treatment options available for those suffering from social anxiety disorder?
Yes! Treatments include psychotherapy techniques like exposure therapy and acceptance commitment therapy as well as medications such as antidepressants and anxiolytics under the supervision of mental health professionals.
5. Can lifestyle changes also help manage the symptoms?
Absolutely! Self-care practices like regular sleep patterns, maintaining a healthy lifestyle, practicing relaxation techniques along with goal setting can help manage symptoms effectively.
6. Is it okay if I’m still afraid after seeking professional help?
Yes! It’s natural to feel anxious even after seeking treatment – remember that progress takes time and everyone’s journey is unique.